How to Handle Narcissists, Bullies, and Toxic People "Blank Wall"
What is "Blank Wall"? As you see in the video, it is a method of making bland replies to a narcissist, bully, or other toxic type of person. In what is called, "Grey Rock", you make yourself "dull", and so not a target. You don't out shine the narc. With Blank Wall, we don't do that... you can shine all you want, you are just as entitled to YOUR moments as anyone else. It is important for YOUR self-esteem. After all to a narc, it is all about THEIR self-esteem. It is a shame they cannot reciprocate and "grant beingness" to another person. So, when a toxic person comments with antagonism, or snide putdowns, etc... we give them a bland, non-engaging comment. We do not ignore them, but we can ignore what they said, after all, it may not have anything to do with us, period. You may be married to a narcissist, and they may make some drama about one of your children. It is not... "I don't believe you"... instead..."I will look into that." See? non-confrontational... My prison guard friend's narc ex-wife can make a shocking statement about their daughter or whatever... He just says... "Well then, I need to ask her about that." Realize this is an attempt to make you busy. It is usually a "control fix" for them. We may deflect, just as they do. A narc may project... "I know you are hiding something from me." Your reply should be something like... appropriate for the actual fact... "Everyone has secrets, don't we?", it is not..."you tell me your secrets, I will tell you mine." That is playing their game. We don't play their game, we play "Blank Wall"... we let them play against themselves. We make a bland, blank statement, just a comment... it does not have to be about what they said...it does not have to be "challenging" which is what will make a narc mad. But, we don't have to really reply to their comment at times... a common deflection would be about something YOU like or did... "I vacuumed the carpet today, does it look nice?" They may persist, "What secrets are you hiding from me?" "I had a really good apple today." They may get angry, as you are not complying. To them, you sound, "illogical"... You can stay on topic, but never, never, never, use the words "you", or "your", "you are", etc... nothing about them, only YOU, and how you feel about something... like Secrets even... "I think it is OK for people to have some secrets..." see? A comment... about what YOU think. In doing this, the person may accuse you of "Oh, It is always about YOU!!!"... heck, they should talk, right? My prison guard friend ran into that one. We can Mirror them...and deflect as well. Your reply: "Well, we are talking about me at the moment. How about I make dinner?" I make a cut in the video because I forgot to talk about "claiming all the attention". At the end of every conversation, text, email, phone call, with the narc, we "claim the attention"... they were talking to us. They were projecting to us. They were gaslighting us, so...it is true, they were giving US attention, in the hope we would take the blame they cannot take responsibility for... or the attempt to make us doubt ourselves and our SANITY... THUS... we steal the show... they think the "stage of life" is all about them, it is their stage, they control who is on stage, and what is going on, etc... it is a failure of THEIRS to see that other people are on stage too... we are not PROPS... so... WE claim the attention... we do not use "You", or "Your"... "Thanks for giving me the attention", "Thanks for giving me attention.", or "Thanks for showing me attention." All of this is to show them, and it tells their subconscious, that YOU are not a "supply"... look up Narcissistic Supply, if you don't know the term... If you need help with the Shock, and Negative Emotions that a Narcissist, bully, or other toxic person can leave you with, I also use the technique in my book. It is a big help in this... a person gets you upset... with the technique, you can process the shock, and your emotions, and it can reduce, and can even stop. You might still have contact, or memories trigger, and emotions trigger, even it that person is not around. You may still have their Image in your head even after DECADES of No Contact... the technique can help reduce that image, it is a type of flashback and illusion... You can work on any apprehension, anxiety, or depression a narc has left you with. A friend on Facebook had a narcissistic mother who constantly judged her. She uses the technique on all that past CRUD... the technique is a pretty good "Crud Remover". She has had many, many symptoms from that and other abuse...it is really helping her. Thank you for visiting, I hope you found this of value and benefits you in handling some of the aspects of dealing with toxic people. My book is not specifically about Narcissism. I do have subtopics on manipulation, bullies, etc., and related emotions however, and you can use the technique on all shock and negative emotions regardless of a narcissist or type of bully. Best Wishes and Blessings... It is Emotional.
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